I think this is a topic that is unique to twin parents and is something we constantly are aware of even if we say it doesn't matter. It started for us with teething. My one twin (Lil E) got her first tooth at 3 months! And my other twin (lil L) not until 9 months! (my girls are fraternal - I'm not sure about identical). Then the twin who got her first tooth at 3 months was scooting and rolling over first and then she crawled at 7 months and was pulling up and crawling up on everything she could. We were sure she'd be walking first. She'd crawl circles around her sister who would sit in amongst a pile of toys and happily watch. Around 9 months she began to crawl and then one day - at 11 months - she stood up and walked! We couldn't believe it! We were sure her sister would be first but she didn't walk until right before her first birthday.
So it just goes to show that you never know who will be first to master milestones. Lil E has always been a better sleeper but was more attached to her bottle at bedtime (oh that's a whole other post...) and Lil L has needed much more in the means of contact and snuggles to get through the day and night then sister.
Lil L took to potty training so easily it was really no work on my part. She just took to it at 2.5 and in the three years since she really hasn't had any accidents. She was dry at night for a long time too but we finally went just underwear at 4 and no night accidents either. But lil miss E....oh my. She finally got potty trained for going pee a month or two after she turned 3 and she did well with that. But the poor girls poos are huge (I suspect an inability to digest casein - the protein in dairy) and she refused to let it out in the toilet. The school was aware but they'd call me saying she's on the toilet trying with all her might to hold it in. Finally one day before she turned 4 (and after trying everything - even cutting a hole in her pull-up and putting her on the toilet and many reward offers) her and her daddy made a deal and for some reason that day she went on the toilet. But it's been a struggle ever since. She's fearful that it will hurt and she'll still hold it in until it can't be held anymore. Then she's fine and says oh - that wasn't bad.
And she still, at 5.5, isn't night time potty trained. We've tried but she's such a deep sleeper that I will get her up in the middle of the night to go and then still she wakes up wet. One night I checked and she'd gone at like 1 and never even noticed until she woke up. There are alarms you can try and we may have to go that route...but it's an uphill battle for sure.
On the flip side - I've been doing fine motor activities since they were babies (see the activities section of this blog for some ideas) and lil E has amazing fine motor skills at 5.5. She colors and draws so well and her letter writing is really good. Lil L has sloppy quick drawings and weaker fine motor skills. The faster she can get it done the better. Lil E will sit and color or draw for an hour, where as Lil L will spend 10 min...but I know she'll get there and I've seen major improvement since starting kindergarten.
So, the bottom line? Don't stress it. They will ebb and flow in their areas of development and it's usually nothing to worry about. Celebrate each success and persevere through the tough ones. Sometimes there is an issue or a delay and that can be handled as it comes along. You've got this!!
Hi! I'm a mom of 5 year-old fraternal twin girls. While I'm by no means an expert - I do have stories to tell and ideas to share.